new day.
new morning.

a new job. maybe.

today i have an interview @ 2. we meet over coffee to get to know one another and talk about the position.
it's only a very part time job so i should be spending my winter break wisely by looking for other jobs, but i haven't.. yet.

i surprise (and frustrate) myself with my laziness and my ability to pass days without doing anything productive.

i can see myself doing the same nothing for days and weeks... months and years. then i'll be 40 years old with a child or two with nothing to show for my life.

that's my worst fear. letting my life go by without doing anything i dream about doing.

like i said in a previous post.. dreams suck because they're only dreams.
but i guess dreams offer hope. hope. hope is awesome.

i'm pretty excited about the interview today. i won't say what the position is for or what the organization is.
but it's a pretty important job... at least for me. and it will be life changing and challenging...

speaking of challenges, i have come across a new level of challenge in my life - talking theology with my parents.

the other night i went home to have dinner with my parents. the night ended with my dad and i talking around theology and around our beliefs about the Bible. at the near end of it, i had to sadly and dishonestly agree with his beliefs just to end the conversation and not instigate further issues. ugh. i already had tears collecting in my eyes before i put my shoes on to leave. as soon as i got in the car and started to drive away, i burst into a good cry.

i haven't had a cry of frustration like that in a while. ha. i wonder if boys ever do that.

as much as i hate arguing about the Bible and theology with fellow Christians, i believe it's important for us to talk about such issues that arise in our world (and minds) these days. it's easier for us to focus on the things we agree on and gloss over the parts we disagree on, but don't you think there should be genuine dialogue between Christians that helps us to understand one another and learn from one another? maybe such dialogue shouldn't happen between all Christians. but for those who really love and respect one another's ideas and opinions should have an open ear and open heart to listen.

i felt that my parents did not listen. i don't care if they don't have the same theology and beliefs as i do. i just want them to listen.

i need to listen.

it's not about who's right or wrong. it's about what Jesus came to do. it's about God's love. it's about renewal. reconciliation.

my interview is for a position at an organization that's about God's love, renewal, and reconciliation.

unlike most churches.













this is one of my favorite pictures of mine. birds are cute and interesting. some walk as humans do, and some hop with both their feet (both of their feet?). i wonder why all those birds fell from the sky in arkansas.

Please

Lord, I need a break.

around the city

disengagement

if i could pick one word to describe my life right now, it would be:

disengagement.

mind you, this is not a passive, mindless process.


p.s.-i'm so glad to be in seminary

analogies

i love analogies.
even the analogies that appear on the SAT's.

so here's one i thought of while lying in bed at 6am waiting for the bathroom to be unoccupied so i can go pee:

but first, an important prologue to help understand the analogy:

so i have a theory that laptop batteries lose life sooner and faster if u don't use the battery life to the fullest. for example, if u charge it to 100%, then let it drain to 50% and charge it again, and never let it go under 50%, then eventually the battery life will have become diminished due to its fractional use. On the other hand, if u use the laptop until 1% or even 0%, then you would have used all of its power and overtime, all of the battery's potential life would have been used so well that it will be at its full capacity over many many years of use. Hence, we have laptops that lose power normally and laptops that lose power faster than it once did when it was new.

now, the analogy:

your bladder is like a laptop battery. if you don't wait until your bladder is full to empty it, then overtime you will feel the need to pee when it's 3/4 full. similarly, if you don't let your laptop battery life to drain completely, then overtime it will have a smaller capacity of life.

i got into the habit of peeing when my bladder is only 1/2 full or 3/4 full. Now i have to pee ALL THE TIME. it's freakin' annoying. i wish i had let it be full 4/4 so that i would pee normally and not have to get up at 5am to go pee.

maybe we should all let our laptop batteries go until 0% so it doesn't have the same problem as my bladder does.

thanks for letting me share this.

i feel better now.

photo props: me. spring wind blowing on tree form of sperm and egg.

say no to the dress

today i say no to the dress...
it's a good no.
the dress wasn't THE dress.
the moment u put it on, it's supposed to be like OMG, this is PERFECT.
this dress wasn't that.
dress shopping will go on :)

yes, the dress i speak of is the wedding dress... MY wedding dress... me and simon's wedding.. dress.

so tonight i start this long and stressful path of wedding planning.
it's only fun when you have a big budget.
under $10K is not a big budget.
but i will do my best and make it the most unique and appropriate to simon and i's personalities.
it will be awesome.
it will be memorable.
it will be.. us :)

june 11, 2011.

save the date.

unless if i don't invite you.... <3

pic: Simon's bunnies

flash flash flash

exhaustion.

but exhaustion from traveling is a beautiful thing :)

oh Vancouver. you are one great city. especially your sky and your clouds. amazing.


pictures are coming...

dispassion

ladies and gents..
there's something wrong when one cannot be him or herself in any situation.
i could never be my 'real' self to my parents when i was a teenager.
i was a crazy rambunctious wild child, but in front of them, i was an angel :)
now, when you are older of course most of the identity crisis things go away and who cares who you are.. you're an adult now, right?
WRONG.
think for example people who are marginalized or people who society easily judges.
not even society, but the church.
yes, the church judges.
and yes, the church is called to love and not judge, but... we judge.
we judge and force people to pretend to be someone who they really aren't so they will be accepted.
we're not talking about high school here but the body of Christ.
Christ our Lord who suffered the worst death and took upon himself all of our sins and shortcomings.
Our God suffered death.
He died, rose from death, conquering death and sin.
So that we don't have to kill ourselves with sin.
So that all we have to do is share this truth about God and love one another.
Love...

anyway, that wasn't what i was initially thinking.
i was thinking that it's torture not being myself.
living a double life when i was a teenager was mostly fun.
but now as an adult not feeling like i can be who i really am... sucks.

don't worry, this doesn't pertain to most parts of my life.
i'm mostly myself. only on certain days of the week i can't be...

sidenote: simon rode his bike without brakes. silly man.

! finally thought of a tattoo i'd want if i had to get one: tattoo of simon riding his bike. on my forearm :)
HAHA

pic: bike in snow

i have a dream...

why is it that all amazing thoughts and revelations come to mind in the shower, but once you step out, you forget them all?

today i met Gregory.
he sleeps on the steps of the church i live next to.
has the most honest and thoughtful things to say.
i love listening to him.
today he reminded me to be thankful for family.
i am thankful.

dreams (not the ones you get during sleep, but ones you think about and hope for) suck because they're just dreams.
not reality.... yet.
i have a dream.
it consists of dc, invitations, flowers, and jobs.
but only a dream...
for now.

random fact: when he works on his bike, it's almost as if he isn't in the same world as i am in.

picture by van gogh. amazing man. deep, spiritual, compassionate, humble, and broken. like a lot of us.

throat ache or sore throat?

i slept through the night with aches in my throat.. emily says it's called "sore throat" not throat ache. whatever, you wanksta.

it was 12pm and i was still in my pajamas.
one of my housemates came home from work during her lunch break.
i felt bad to have not even started my day when she had been up since early morning working hard.
i told her this is what happens when i have nothing to do and have no job...
then... she spoke the truth.
she says, "you have a really important job as the children's pastor"
shoot.
i DO have a job.
i keep on forgetting though.
this is my confession.

side note: finding a job (you want, that's beneficial and meaningful) is hard.

the picture: found it on simon's comp. i miss his drawings.

question

can a person ever be completely satisfied with his or her life?

my camera is being borrowed by my brother..
rainy and cold outside.. so bike is unmoved in the study room.

no camera + no biking = sit in front of computer and look out my window and wonder what all those people in the building across the street are doing in their cubicles

i think... brains are weird.

mi bici

this is true

at the tea party rally

wrinkle

ka ching

park your car

mi coche

oops